He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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