just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
