WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
