you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
