I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
