Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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