Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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