Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
