I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
