erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
