He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
