Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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