I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
