Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
