I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
