Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We got so high we made milksteak
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
