WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
