I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
