so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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