I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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