I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
