So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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