New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
