Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
