Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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