he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
