I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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