I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
