There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
