And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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