Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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