dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
