Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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