i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
