My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
