I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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