I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
