Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
