So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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