Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
