I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
