Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
