That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
