Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize