I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
