My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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