His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
