i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
