That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
