You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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