Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
