To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How's work?
Spinning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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