I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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