It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
