I wish I could teleport
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He felt like a one man threesome
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
