I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
