Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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