no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
