she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
