some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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