remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
