My first STD was from a foam party
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize