She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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