it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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