So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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