A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want a musical about memes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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