Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was like eating out sand paper
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize