the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
