I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
