we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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