Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry whyyyy hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

I can tuck mytits in my pants

Fav 27 770 2884
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

Fav 16 818 3615
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.

Fav 8 907 3815
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

Fav 37 3853 1495
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

Fav 46 2716 8443
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

Fav 18 6356 1472
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.

Fav 17 5263 1113
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Had a burrito last night in your honor

(208): View more from Idaho

That's the nicest thing you've ever done

Fav 0 807 516
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?

Fav 1 45 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT