Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
