Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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