She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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