He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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