I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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