I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
