can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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