I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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