a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The power of my boobs compel you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
